Farewell to Nani: Saying good bye is never easy.

This was the fourth major funeral I had to attend in my life. I usually avoid funerals otherwise. They make me sad and I don’t know how to console people. Likewise, I don’t know what to say when people console you. But there’s one thing which I have learned from all this experience. That is to stay true to myself, to stay humble withΒ everyone & never be proud. Yes, it’s hard to get back to life and move on with the usual business. We all get out of it, sooner or later. I have always helped myself by sticking on to the positive memories these beloved left me with. I reassure myself that they are up there and looking at me. That might only be in my head but it helps. Some people go into depression and it’s hard to get out of it. May be my post is not just for meΒ or for my nani but for everyone in general.

We all have lost somebody at some point in life. Its never easy. One day you are sitting with them, talking to them, cheering for/with them and the other day, they’re gone. Just like that. It’s such a void. A giant blank space which can’t be filled. But keep holding to the thoughts, to all the good memories. It is useless to try to forget that person altogether. It will just hurt you. Instead, remember them in good words. Cherish the happy moments. That is what I have done during such a time. That is what I will do again.

Not a lot of people know this but my nani was an Aga Khani whereas I practice Sunni school of thought. No, it’s not a major thing. The reason I am mentioning this is because how beautifully she accepted and loved us (me and my brother). We won’t greet everyone the way she did and I Β won’t be wrong if I say we were the apple of her eye. She would tell us not to skip prayers & read Quran. She never ever made us feel that we are some outsiders, despite not following her school of thought. People say they witness so many clashes and differences with inter-sect marriages whereas all I ever saw was peace and love. Everyone loved my dad, and then us. We reciprocate the same feelings. I wonder why people can’t learn to co-exist in today’s world. Why can’t everyone be like my her? πŸ™‚

Nani wasn’t just a grandparent but a mom to me. I know it will be difficult but I will be fine once again. I know she is up there looking at me with the rest of the clan. There’s noΒ one Β to correct my toothi poothiΒ gujrati now. Sometimes I wonder what’s the point of life when in the end, all it takes is just one moment to end it all? I don’t know. Nobody knows I guess.

That being said, I am not broken. I am sad but I will get my shit together. I know I got this trait from my nani. Oh if you knew her, you’d know what I am saying. She would smile even when its hurting her. She was such a brave woman. One of the bravest I have ever seen and very soft spoken at that. Can you believe she hardly hit any of her children? Hardly ever shouted at them. If only I had gotten that trait too lol. She would tell me to keep my cool (being hot headed is a trait I got from my dad) & she was the one who I actually listened to. πŸ™‚

If your grandparents are with you, then go and give them a tight hug. Try to spend time with them. That’s all they ever ask for. I used to sit with her despite my workload. For me, family & relations are and will always come first. Sometimes I would say no to her & make it up to her the next time. Honestly, no one can ever replace this relation. Respect, love & cherish it. ❀

She left me her very prized possession. This beautiful ring which had Nani & Nana's name engraved. πŸ™‚ Mom told me she had told this to her while she was still hospitalized. I am overwhelmed that my nani was thinking about me even when she was so sick. That's how beautiful our bond was. Nobody can ever fill this void but I'll hold on to all the positivity you blessed me with. I will miss your stories from Dacca & Pune, I will miss fooling around with you, I will miss wishing morning to you and giving you a small peck on your cheek every morning, I will miss your lap & your soft hands, I will miss learning Gujrati from you. I really thought you'd be there when Masood gets married. But you couldn't wait to be united with Nana again. If only this was one of your dramas that you used to do while eating. Haye. I will miss you, nani. You will always be remembered! πŸ’• (Sorry for MIA. Will be responding to everyone shortly.)

A post shared by Sadiya Azhar (@sadiyaazhar) on

 

goodbye

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